Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have already put on my inside pants.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
