Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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