This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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