this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
