Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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