I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
