i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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