I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
