Please, let me fuck your mom
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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