im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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