hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
