he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
