I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
