is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
