She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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