saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
