so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
