YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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