I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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