I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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