She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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