Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
