Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
