Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
