Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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