yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
