i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
