I seem to have left my pride at pride
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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