The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
