i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
