If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
