just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
