While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
