I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
