Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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