he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
