one might say we're banned from that church
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
