How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
