i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
