i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
