she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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