here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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