my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
