Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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