I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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