Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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