Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
