Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
