I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
