he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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