how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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