you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
