took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
