He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
