I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
