Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
