this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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