At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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