So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
