I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
