I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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