make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
