community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
